Did You Know the Human Head Weighs 8 Pounds?

Good Evening!  As we sit here tonight, I think that we are trying to recapture our youth.  Chris is playing some superhero video game on Playstation and I'm playing Castleville on Facebook (BTW anyone wanna be my neighbor?).  Chris pulls out his glasses to see the little buttons on the game controller and I put on my glasses so I can see what in the heck all the noise is coming from on the TV!  Ahhh yes...middle age is interesting! 

So yesterday I had my first sitter!  Ooohh ahhhh!  Actually it went very well.  She was someone Chris works with at Northside Hospital - Robin.  She's awesome!  Super sweet and Brayden took to her right away! And the best part - she loves junk TV too!!! Hopefully she will come back again.  Chris was able to run some errands and get some projects done around the house.  It was really nice to have someone here to visit with for awhile.  I think it did wonders for our mindsets too.  We ended up staying up waaayyy too late just hanging out, watching TV and looking at our computers.  For all you ladies out there...well guys too...have you checked out this site Pinterest???  Oh. My. Goodness. ! ! !  I spent an hour on Facebook, then figured what the heck, I'll head on over to Pinterest and make it an evening!  I love it!  I found THE coolest little candy craft to make for Connor's class for Valentine's Day!  I couldn't wait to show him today!  He got just as excited as me!!  Love it!  If you go on there and follow me, you can see it too.  Bad news about staying up too late, poor Chrissy finally succumbed to whatever crud he was trying so hard to fight off.  He went to the doctor today.  He has bronchitis.  Poor guy.  Brayden went for his 9 month check up.  He's doing great except for the sty in his eye.  Poor guy.  Kaitlin just came out and said she doesn't feel well.  Luckily she already has a doctor appointment scheduled for tomorrow.  Connor is the only well one....for now!  So we need a nanny, chauffeur, sitter, chef, nurse and personal shopper.  Not necessarily in that order!

Next week is back to the doctor for me.  Boooooo!  Monday and Friday - Radiology Oncologist and Neurologist.  Not sure which day is which.  I just go where I'm told, when I'm told!  I still have not done much research on the Gamma Knife.  I think that subconsciously maybe I just don't want to know???  Because usually I'm the first one to want to learn all I can about a drug or procedure or medical issue.  So this is very atypical of me.  But I suppose I better get on the ball so that I can have all my questions prepared for these new doctors.    On a positive note, I think the new anti-seizure medication I am on is helping with my headaches.  They are not nearly as intense as they have been.  The medicine makes me drowsy and kind of foggy though.  I don't like that but what do you do.  I'm still having seizures.  I don't think it's as bad but to those around me, just one is awful.  Hopefully they will continue to decline and disappear altogether!  Although it is cutting down on all the crazy things I do.  Wait...I just remembered...Chris says I have been very vocal in my sleep.  Have I mentioned this before??  I could go back and read previous blogs,but, well, I'm here now soooo....apparently I am spouting off alot of pertinent worldly facts.  Did you know that camels wander the African deserts???  I know....add that to your plethora of knowledge!  Chris says they don't, but has he ever been there?!?!  I think not!!  Also, somewhere Eskimos use milk jugs to freeze ice to make blocks for their igloos.  Again, very plausible.  1000 people were traveling on a bus.  This might be a little iffy...just a little.  Now for this one I blame David Brugger.  Don't hide your face in shame!  It was from your Facebook post I think.  My brain is just working in strange and wondrous ways now!  I could go on and on and on about all these new facts I have but I digress.

So I know I said the main reason I started this blog was mainly for selfish and familial reasons, but I noticed today when I was looking at the traffic statistics that people from as far away as Germany have read this blog!  How cool is that!  Not so cool for ME, but cool that people that don't even know me now know a little bit more about brain tumors!  I love it!!!!!!!  Then on top of that super cool realization, in the mail today I received tons of get well cards!  It made me sooo warm and fuzzy inside!  Knowing that people, some I have never met personally, are praying for me is simply amazing!  There really IS good in this world!  Not only have they taken time out of their busy lives to pray for me and my family, they have stopped to buy a card, write some encouraging words and scriptures, spend some serious dough on a stamp, find my mailing address, and slip it in the mail.  Truly amazing people! AND in this batch of wonderful cards was one from Linda Sallee.  Now I hate to just pick one out because they were all awesome and so appreciated but this one was soooo a God thing.  Well there were 2 actually.  Linda's - on the front was a huge sunflower.  My absolute favorite flower....always makes me smile!  And another one from Janie Bryant with a Bluebird on the front....my very favorite bird!  I am constantly bribing these little ones to come play and stay in my yard!  I love all my little birdies! I am extremely grateful for all, everyone's support, thoughts, prayers.  If you are not a praying person, then please, just hum along!

God is the reason why even in pain I smile; in confusion, I understand; in betrayal, I trust; and in fear, I continue to fight!

The Dingo Ate Your Baby!

Good Evening!  It's just another manic monday.  No wait...it's Tuesday I do believe!  I have some exciting news!  Wait for it....wait for it....I will have my very first sitter tomorrow!  Yippee!!!!  Well not THE very first.  It's been about, let's see, umm, 35 years or so.  I wonder if she will let me have ice cream and stay up late?!?!  Can you tell I'm excited???  No offense Robin.  I'm sure we will have a great time.  It's just the frustration that I have to have a sitter.  Sigh.  Oh well.  I will just make the best of it.  I wonder if she does dishes???  I better stop in case she reads this blog!
Soooo Chrissy said I will have to wear the new shirt he made me everyday in case I slip away.  That's gonna make for a lot of laundry!  The good news is I have been a good girl and stayed inside lately.  I will tell you what started all this fear of me wandering off.  Now remember, I DO have a brain tumor.  Strange things are a'happenin in my head!  Last week, I don't know what night, everyone was here and in bed.  It was about 1am - I was told.  I got up to go potty.  I could have sworn I heard a baby crying.  Before you say it, no it was NOT Brayden!  So being a mother I figured I better go check this out.  I threw on my sweater and my shoes and proceeded to walk the streets of our subdivision looking and listening for that darn baby.  The next day was garbage day so all the trash cans were at the curb.  Lots of places for a crying baby to hide.  I watch a lot of Nancy Grace ok?!?!  Needless to say, I did not find a baby. Which I suppose is a good thing really.  However, being dark outside I got all turned around and disoriented.  Luckily Chris woke up and came looking for me.  I was close enough to home to hear him calling from the house.  So not a big deal but it could have been I suppose.  Never a dull moment around here!  Thus the t shirt!!!
Now look, the main reason I started this blog was for a place to vent, to share some thoughts, and to keep lots of people updated about medical stuff.  I never wanted this to be a pity party.  All my life, I have handled most things with humor.  Laughter is the best medicine I do believe!  Now I'm not saying life doesn't suck sometimes.  Things sure are stressful right now and very odd in many ways.  We are experiencing things we have never experienced.  Makes things interesting.  The good thing is, most of the time we can laugh at all the silly things I do and say.  I like that we can do that!  I like that we can laugh instead of just cry when I can't follow a simple stupid direction after passing out.  I just hope it stays like this and we can all keep it together...just for a little while longer.

Hey, BTW, has anyone come across a cheap outlet for those rubber bracelets???  I'm still looking but there are soooo many sites!! TIA!!

Tired of Waiting

So today was another trip to another neurosurgeon.  Woo hoo.  Annndddd one more day of frustration!  I just want to scream sometimes!  But I guess that's why I started this blog...so I can yell into cyberspace!  I shouldn't be too frustrated though.  Chris put alot of time and effort into finding the best guy around.  He did a great job!  I just have another conflicting opinion, although I think I am going to stick with this guy.  Just something about him.  I think when you're a mother you learn to trust your gut instinct and to work off first impressions.  The good news is Doc says the best route of removal for Liz is Gamma Knife Surgery.  I can go with that!  No removing my skull?!?!  OK!  For those that don't know, it's basically radiation.  The goal is to shrink the tumor down to almost nothing.  He thinks this will be the best route since the tumor is very near the sagittal sinus which is the main blood source for the brain.  Of course, no one wants to mess with that big boy!  He said if he were to go in and remove it that there would most likely be some cells left anyways because it is so close to that sinus.  So we might as well just use the gamma knife and eliminate the invasive surgery.  Sounds good to me!  They would still use the halo during the surgery so there would still be some owies but much less pain.  Now the bad news is he wants to wait....sigh.  He wants to do another MRI in March and see what the growth is.  AAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't take it!!!!!!!  I just want it out!  Make no mistake...I did tell the doctor that!!!  He said, "patience."  So we wait.  I wouldn't mind the wait so much if I weren't having all these crazy symptoms!  I'm soooo tired alllll the time.  I have a constant headache, chest pain, dizziness, occasional fainting, seizures.  Oh yeah, and some crazy confusion that hits me out of the blue. After it happens it is always quite humorous because everything has always turned out alright in the end.  Scary at the time....well for those around me.  I seem to always be having a good time!  Hahahaha  I will start filling you in on all these crazy moments so you can laugh along with, well, ME at least!  The children now have strict orders to only ask Chris for permission for things.  I guess they had fun while it lasted!  One night Connor had fresh baked cookies and cheese dip for dinner. Why?  Cause he asked me!  And I said well why not???  Worst part right now is I can't be alone.  Makes me feel sooo good about myself!!!  So anyone who has nothing to do on the weekends while Chris is at work, feel free to come on by and babysit.  We are currently recruiting! Little experience required.  Must be able to watch junk TV while eating junk food.  Must be able to laugh at a very silly baby boy while rolling your eyes at a sometimes annoying, although pretty, teenager.  Piece of cake!  Literally...there will probably be cake around too!  So all in all it was a pretty good day.  I'm still hangin in there!  I posted a new picture of something my darling husband made for me.  It's on the 2nd page of this blog and on Facebook.  A nice gift...in case I wander off again.  Thoughtful guy!  Alright....thanks for playing.  Prayers welcome!

In the Beginning....

Ok well I thought I would try to start from the beginning.  First of all, thank you very much to all of you that have reached out to me and Chris with your kind words and prayers.  I realize it has taken awhile for us to let you all in on this news.  We just had to get used to it ourselves!  And also make sure we were all in a good place.  I think we are.  Time will tell I suppose.  I started the story in the last post.  This will be lengthy...just so you know.  I will begin from the visit to the cardiologist because in there is an interesting story.  Let me say this to those that don't know me at all, or not well....I was blessed to be raised by a wonderful Christian mother with an exceptional sense of humor.  This will explain a lot!  I was waiting my turn in the Cardiologist's office.  Now this waiting room is huge.  Doctor is part of St. Joseph's.  There are about 100 seats and only about 20 people waiting.  I take a seat at the very end of a row.  An older lady sits down right beside me...there are a dozen empty seats around me.  Really?!?!  She strikes up a conversation.  I don't feel good.  I don't want to talk.  She is surprised I am there because I am so young.  Ok, ok, I'll talk to her if she's going to compliment me....geeeeeez!  She asks why I'm there.  I tell her briefly about my chest pain and dizziness and that my PCP thought possibly there could be a heart issue.  I also mentioned that I was taken a bit off guard as I had just gone in to see her an hour ago for what I thought was bronchitis and here I was waiting for a heart ultrasound.  A bit scary.  She told me a little bit about herself and a scary situation she had been in.  Long story short....she gave me a bit of advice that I have followed with all my heart since that day...."You know yourself, your body, better than anyone.  Don't ever let anyone - even a doctor - tell you that it is all in your head."  Wow!  I had NO idea at the time how much I would end up needing that advice!  I sure wish I could find her again!  I was called back then.  Of course, when I was finished, she was gone.  Oh yeah, did I mention that she was dressed all in white - from head to toe?????  Yep....that's what I think too!!!!  When you hear what happened after my stay at Gwinnett Medical Center, you too will believe!  When I mentioned this to my mom, she said well you know it does say in the Bible that you should be kind to everyone because Angels do walk amongst us and you never know when you might be entertaining one.  (Hebrews 13:1-2.  Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.)  Hhhmmm....interesting stuff, huh?!  After this visit to the doc, I still felt like doo doo - yes that is a very technical medical term!  Remember, I thought maybe I had pneumonia.  For those of you that know my mommy, Karen Gobely, she had just spent 2 weeks in the hospital with pneumonia and I was sure I had caught something crummy.  My doc said she was very worried about my intense chest pain and if it worsened at all to go to the ER immediately.  Well I had a rough night.  I woke up several times short of breath with horrible stabbing chest pains - sure I was having a heart attack.  I think this was when I started passing out as well and when my confusion began. I have had alot of short term memory loss so some details are still fuzzy.  After a call to my PCP, she recommended a trip to the ER.  After a long talk with Chris, I finally relented.  Funny how when you mention you are having chest pain in the ER how quickly you get pushed through!  I won't bore you with all the details, but Gwinnett Medical Center did what must have been hundreds of blood tests, ultrasounds looking for blood clots, chest CT and xrays.  GMC called in the Cardiologist I had just seen.  They said all my tests were negative.  They weren't sure what was wrong.  Chris had to urge them to even perform the CT. At the end of the day, the Cardiologist refused to call in any other doctors or specialists.  He determined that there was nothing wrong with me.  His ONLY recommendation....a psych consult....you see, "it was all in my head".  WOW - how right he was....he just had no idea!!  I told him HE needed the psych consult!!  That there was something  wrong with me!  He said nope....see ya!  I promptly went back to my PCP who luckily has a brain in her head...well I don't have actual pictures of hers like I do of mine...I'm just assuming....hahaha!    I explained to her what had happened at the hospital.  She was a bit in disbelief.  I told her something was very wrong with me.  Maybe I should have mentioned this sooner....up to this point in my life, I have been very healthy....just normal aches and pains from becoming 40...and having 3 children....and a husband! Again, being aggressive, she sent me immediately for an MRI and set up a neurology appointment.  I wonder....was it the doctor...or the difference in the genders????  SHE actually listened to me from day one when I told her something was wrong with me.  She could have so easily written me a prescription for antibiotics and gotten me out of her office.  I thank God she didn't.  Remember the lady in white from the Cardiologist's office???? Uh huh...I listened God!  I kept  talking until someone listened!  It took a few people and several doctors but it finally worked. 
The next day, we went to the neurologist who let us know the devastating news that would change our lives forever.  He doesn't have any bedside manner, but seems to know what he's doing.  Now we went into this appointment only THINKING the worst....thinking that we had seen a tumor on the MRI.  The doctor confirmed our worst fear.  My only question was, "Am I going to die?"  I have 3 children...and a husband...so that was really my only concern.  I can get through anything else.  His answer...."Do you know Elizabeth Taylor?"  Me - "Of course."  Dr. No Personality - "She had a meningioma but that is not what she died from."  Me - "siiigghhhhhh".  (Chelsea Laurent- I learned that from you!)  So the good news is that judging from the MRI scan, the tumor looks like a solid mass which leads the neurologist and the neurosurgeon to believe it is a meningioma tumor.  95% of meningioma tumors are benign.  So if you have to have a brain tumor, this is the BEST kind of brain tumor to have.  Wait...did I really just say that?????  God does have a sense of humor!  So interestingly enough, I came home from the neurologist, well, happy and praising God!  Why?!  Well, I had a good brain tumor!  It's a strange and wonderful world!  Sooooo from that point forward, my tumor was named Elizabeth Taylor....ET for short.  This explains the name...well the domain name of this blog.  I told Kaitlin that I wanted to get those rubber bracelets....gray in support of brain cancer...with purple writing saying "SAVE JEN'S BRAIN".  LOL  And maybe "STOP ET" on the backside - only if it's cost effective!  Anyone know of a good but cheap outlet for those bracelets??
I think that pretty much does it for all the boring medical stuff.  Most everything else that is happening now is fun, crazy stuff!  My daughter especially enjoyed my memory loss during the week of Christmas.  She was constantly telling me that it was Christmas day just so she could open a present.  Don't worry...one day she will have children of her own.  And I will laugh...and laugh...and laugh!  Payback's a...well it's just funny!  Chris, my adoring husband, poor guy, well at least I still remember who he is!  I actually packed his lunch for him this weekend...well one day.  Apparently he was quite scared to open it!  lol  Everyone at work gathered around quite excitedly awaiting the grand opening. Ahhh how disappointed they were to find out I had a very good day and had simply made my honey chicken salad.  Sorry RTs!  I will try harder next week! 
Well thanks for listening.  Please keep my family in your prayers. 

Hello World!

Check.  Check.  Is this thing on????  Hello World!  Welcome to my life as I know it!  My life has become, well, interesting lately to say the least.  I have decided to start blogging for my own sanity...and my family's!  And also to keep all those interested up to date.  The past month has been a whirlwind and a life changing experience.  There is so much information that I really don't know where to begin.  I think I will just start from today and move forward.  In the next few blogs, I will update and also add to the back story.  Otherwise, I would be here typing for a week straight!  Soooo here goes!!!

Let's see....where to start....here's a short synopsis....well everything began back in mid December when I thought I had bronchitis or maybe even (gasp) pneumonia!  I went to see my PCP who did an exam and said, "Hhmmm, nope, you look good to me.  With the chest pain, let's get you to the Cardiologist."  Ewwww....well after a clean bill of health from him, back to my PCP.  Told her that something is wrong...I just don't feel right.  My main symptoms were chest pain, dizziness, fatigue and now some confusion.  She sent me for an MRI that day and set up an appointment with a neurologist for the very next day.  I liked that fact she was so aggressive, although I would have much preferred a prescription for an antibiotic for bronchitis!  Anyways, that afternoon after the MRI, the imaging center gave us a copy to take to the neurologist the next day.  Chris and I thought it would be cool to look at 280 images of my brain....plus there was indeed proof I had one!  So there...you sceptics!!  As we were flipping through all those images, one click changed things forever.  We both knew in an instant what we were looking at.  That lump doesn't belong there!  Thank God we had an appointment the next morning with the neurologist!  That night was one of the worst of our lives.  Chris googled like crazy.  He decided I had a meningioma.  What a smart man I married!  He was correct!  I was still devastated when I heard the doctor speak those words out loud.  A brain tumor.  A brain tumor?!  How did I get from bronchitis to a brain tumor???  Lord, I can't do this!

Fast forward many headaches and seizures later....tomorrow, Monday, I have an appointment with a Neurosurgeon at Northside.  This will be a third opinion technically.  But we have decided to use a neurosurgeon at Northside Hospital since Chris works there.  In the meantime, I am on a new medication for headaches and seizures - Topamax.  Hopefully this will help and kick in soon.  I have also found a great source of support online...meningiomamommas.com.  Not that my family isn't supportive, it's just helpful to talk to people who are going through the same thing and just 'get it'.  My family does the best they can.  They all do a wonderful job of taking care of me.  I just hate that they have to!  I want to take care of THEM!  This sucks!  But as my mother says...this too shall pass....what a wise woman!